My love
by Dannee-san
Summary: This is it, folks. The final chapter. I'll start with posting another fic of mine. Maybe my Silver Millennium. Though it's far from finished so I don't know how frequently I will be updating that one.
1. Rei

AN I wrote this when I was feeling a little down. It's four chapters. I'll upload the  
  
next tomorrow. Hope you like it.  
  
Disclaimer: don't own them. Don't make me more down than I already am.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The first time I laid eyes on you I immediately hated your guts. Your smirk was  
  
too proud, your manners too arrogant. You seemed to think your looks alone were enough  
  
to make every woman go all starry eyed.  
  
Well, not me. You were surprised when you found your charms not having any effect  
  
on me. Oh, the times we quarreled. I hated you. I hated you for the ability to outwit me  
  
in everything, though come to think of it, I gave as good as I got. Like when I had  
  
somehow sneaked into your rooms unnoticed to put green ink in your hair. You looked  
  
ridiculous for days.  
  
Now all I can do, is wish for those days to return. To wish for the innocence  
  
that seemed to lay a sparkling sheen over those times. We were like children, ignorant  
  
of what was coming to us. We simply enjoyed the days, even though I spend them shouting  
  
at you at the top of my lungs, when I wasn't planning something horrible to inflict on  
  
you.  
  
The times I cursed you for making my life so miserable. I take it back. I take  
  
it all back! Just return to me. Return to the way you were. Smirking, strutting and  
  
blowing my mind with your kisses. And alive.  
  
Why? Why did Beryl have to be so strong? Why couldn't you fight her? Why couldn't I  
  
help you? Psychic powers are my name! I should have been able to help you! But I couldn't  
  
even help my princess.  
  
Oh, Jadeite, if things would have been different.  
  
I loved you senseless those days. Well, maybe not all of them. We were much like  
  
our prince and princess were nowadays. I wish you were here, so we could laugh at them  
  
together.  
  
I just wish you were here, no strings attached.  
  
Always a piece of my heart has been missing. I have been trying to fill it with  
  
school, friends, my work at the shrine. But only the sacred fire could give me a shred  
  
of comfort. But when I found Usagi and Ami and became Sailor Mars, again, it seemed like  
  
that space was filled. Everything made so much more sense.  
  
But then I saw you. My enemy. I knew we had to fight you, but something inside  
  
me told me it was wrong. That I shouldn't. That you shouldn't fight against us, but  
  
alongside us.  
  
I didn't understand. It confused me and again I sought comfort at the sacred  
  
fire. But this time it could offer none.  
  
Now I do understand. I know. I see my princess suffer, because she knows not how  
  
her prince fares. Only one of you is left now. If only Endymion was awakened sooner. He  
  
might have been able to pounce some sense in all of you. He always had a stubborn streak  
  
and living as Chiba Mamoru only seemed to have aggravated it.  
  
But no. We killed you. And now I cry.  
  
I feel so guilty. If only I had known! Maybe I could have saved you, could have  
  
had you by my side once again.  
  
But who am I kidding. If the Queen didn't manage it, even with the Crystal, then  
  
how could I possibly think my poorly developed powers could succeed where she failed?  
  
There is nothing for me left anymore. I will simply have to move on. If only it  
  
were that simple. It doesn't happen every day that you kill your love. For the second  
  
time, no less. Of course we ended up killing each other then. Now, you didn't stand a  
  
chance. Even against us poorly trained soldiers. We outnumbered you. And outmatched you.  
  
You haunt me in my dreams. You invade my readings of the fire. Why won't you  
  
leave my alone? You are a ghost of the past. Then why torture me like you do?  
  
Or is it my own heart, punishing me for what I did? 


	2. Makoto

AN So here is the second. As you may notice, the order of appearande is the order of how  
  
the generals died. I find these little stories so sad. I cried writing them.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
These are my favorite cookies. I never knew, how I got the recipe. But now I know.  
  
I found it strange, for a man to feel at home in a kitchen. Then again, it is odd  
  
the strongest and most violent of the Senshi loves to do something as down to earth as  
  
cooking.  
  
You, however, fit perfectly there. I never had so much fun as the first time I  
  
saw you. You were pissed because you thought I wanted to take over 'your' kitchen. It  
  
turned out alright. We ended up covered in flour and a few eggs made the floor very  
  
slippery, but the result was worth it. Not only were the cookies to die for, so was  
  
your kiss.  
  
I still can't believe you kissed me right then and there. After all, we had known  
  
each other for barely an hour, and my princess had told me you were withdrawn and stiff.  
  
But I guess I got to see your soft side then.  
  
I had never met anyone like you. You intrigued me. You were so much different  
  
from every man I knew and had met. For some reason they seemed to fear my strength, or  
  
tried to surpass it. Of course they failed. But you took me as me. You excepted the fact  
  
I was stronger than you, but that was it.  
  
In this new world I was always alone. And the hole in me could not be filled.  
  
Until I met Usagi and learned I was a Senshi. Becoming Sailor Jupiter fulfilled something  
  
inside of me, but something was missing. I never knew until it was too late.  
  
What use is physical strength, if you can't save the one you love? I couldn't  
  
then, I couldn't now. Both your deaths keep repeating in my head, over and over again.  
  
I can't help but wonder. What if we could have lifted Beryl's spell? Would it be  
  
like it used to? I know it would have been different from what is now.  
  
I have the best friends in the world. My fellow Senshi are closer to me than a  
  
sister could be. Usagi most of all. Yet I cannot help but be angry and jealous. I know  
  
losing her love to the darkness is difficult. I know very well! But she at least has  
  
hopes of gaining him back.  
  
I, however, have lost you forever. And I did it. Again I killed you.  
  
Again.  
  
I don't know how, but I distance myself from it all, more and more, and try to  
  
focus on my life as it is now. It does not do to dwell on the past.  
  
Maybe I'm staring to harden more and more. In this life, I lost my parents at a  
  
early age. I found the most wonderful friends, in time, and I became a superhero. At  
  
least I had an outlet for my aggression and I didn't get into any trouble at school  
  
any more. But then I destroyed the only love I would ever experience without even  
  
knowing it.  
  
So maybe I have hardened. But sometimes I wish you were there. To hold me like  
  
you used to. You were albe to take all my troubles away and fill me only with happiness.  
  
Now all I have are the memories of those times. And I cherish them with all my  
  
heart. They are all I have left of you. I picture the smell of your hair on my pillow.  
  
I imagine hearing your heart beat underneath my ear. But I know it is all a lie.  
  
Then why do I keep hoping? 


	3. Ami

AN And the third one. It's just so depressing. I promise my other stories will be happier.  
  
Most of them anyway. One has quite a lot of angst in it.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
...and by multiplying that with dx the surface of... Oh, forget it! I can't  
  
concentrate.  
  
The scene of a few days ago just keeps playing in my head. My princess is crying,  
  
while holding her dying love in her arms.  
  
Did I look like that when you died? When I killed you, because I had no choice?  
  
It makes no difference whether I had a choice or not! I killed you! You! My only  
  
love.  
  
You were the only one to match my hunger for knowledge. Together we spent many  
  
days, and nights for often we simply forgot the time and even skipped a meal or two, in  
  
the library. The amount of books we read is amazing. The amount of subjects we discussed  
  
are innumerable.  
  
But unlike Minako thought, studying wasn't all we did. Maybe it is in my nature  
  
to commit myself to finish everything I start.  
  
You changed me, as much as I changed you. For some reason we were able to pull  
  
each other out of the little corner we had put ourselves in by locking the world away  
  
with books.  
  
I remember the first kiss we shared. We had been cracking our heads over some  
  
mathematical formula for over a week and you were starting to give up. Again we had  
  
spent the night at the library and the results were rather devastating. I don't think  
  
I ever felt as worn out as then. And if your looks were any indication as to how you  
  
felt, I shudder to think about my appearance.  
  
You shook your head when yet again we had failed in solving our problem, blond  
  
locks flying around your face and grazing your shoulders, as your hair tie had been lost  
  
hours ago. You looked so cute, even though your eyes were bloodshot and the dark circles  
  
underneath your eyes were big enough to eclipse the sun.  
  
You didn't like failing and you were very competitive. The times I smiled because  
  
of your frustrations at being unable to outwit me. Your simple want for learning charmed  
  
me no end. I never wanted my love to be brainless, but you exceeded all my expectations.  
  
And that morning, with our stomachs as empty as our heads, I realized you were my ideal  
  
love. You matched me in so much, yet you never agreed with me unless you saw it written  
  
three times, not by my hand, might I add.  
  
I will never forget that kiss, or the ones that came after it. I know I had to  
  
kill you, but it broke my heart to do so. I think I was the only one allowed to have a  
  
last moment of you. When you died, you remembered our love.  
  
I think I was indeed much Selenity as I saw her this week. I felt like she looked,  
  
as my attack sliced through you vulnerable flesh. When I close my eyes I can still smell  
  
the blood the seeped out of your wound, staining both our clothes. I know it was ony that  
  
one time, but now every time I look at my gloves, I expect them to look red with your  
  
blood as they did the day our world came to an end.  
  
Whoever guessed a love could survive such hardship? 


	4. Minako

AN And this is the last one. I promise my next fic will be more optimistic. Thanks for  
  
sticking to this story.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
No, no, no! Why, why, why? It isn't fair. I am the goddess of love! Why can I not  
  
save the one I love?  
  
It is too cruel. Fate is pure evil.  
  
Kunzite. My wonderful, lovingly Kunzite. I love you so much. The time we had  
  
together was far too short, but I don't think eternity wouldn't last long enough to  
  
live through the love I feel for you.  
  
I hated the end. I hate the fact I had to kill you. I am weak, I know that. I  
  
died before you, leaving you to die on your own. It was selfish of me, but I couldn't  
  
bring myself to watch your life fade before my eyes.  
  
Maybe that is why I killed you so suddenly last night, why I didn't listen to  
  
my princess when she begged me to spare your life, just a little longer, to find out  
  
how Endymion was doing. I knew that I couldn't bring myself to kill you, if I waited  
  
any longer. I knew I would lose the courage.  
  
You were so stiff when I first met you, solely focused on protecting the charge  
  
left you. That was why you were searching the palace gardens, trying to find out why  
  
your prince disappeared from the palace so often. And I did the same for my princess.  
  
I am eternally grateful for that girl's stubbornness. If it wasn't for her  
  
incessant want to find out more about the Earth, I would never have had the need to  
  
go down there, and then I would never had met my Kunzite.  
  
You were so proud when I first met you. You even had the audacity to chastise me  
  
for not keeping a proper watch on my charge. I wasn't her nurse! That was Luna's job. I  
  
had my training. Well, I gave you quite a mouthful in return. I think you had never  
  
been spoken to like that. You looked rather perplexed, I must say.  
  
After a few encounters I had as much reason to want to go down to Earth as  
  
Selenity. In fact, we began to conspired to be able to meet our lovers as much as  
  
possible.  
  
And then you were invited to the Moon royal court. I thought I would die. How  
  
were I to explain my sudden close acquaintance with a man I had supposedly never met  
  
before.  
  
Luckily your tact saved my from those awful questions. Though I think the other  
  
girls suspected something. However, your colleagues kept them busy enough. And Selenity  
  
didn't mind if I lost sight of her.  
  
But all too soon the war began. We made a good team, complementing each others  
  
skills. That made our battle one of the most brutal of all of them. I don't know how  
  
long it went on, but all our other friends (I refuse to see them otherwise, even though  
  
Beryl had turned them against us) were already dead, slain by each others's hands. They  
  
showed me the fate that awaited me.  
  
And I couldn't. I couldn't watch you die. So I made the killing blow with a  
  
sacrifice of my own life. It could have been done differently, but my heart was torn  
  
enough as it was. I didn't need any more claws ripping it apart. The knowledge of your  
  
death was enough.  
  
So why did I kill you now? 


	5. Jadeite

AN I know, I know. I said it was finished, but... I got asked whether I would write something  
  
from the generals PoV. So here I am, starting with Jadeite. It's a little shorter, but I didn't]  
  
have enough inspiration to make it any longer. I wasn't so down anymore. I won't update as fast  
  
as the last time though, so please be a little patient. And please review?  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Cursed. Cursed, cursed, cursed, cursed, cursed! How could I have been so stupid? How could  
  
I have believed that witch? How could I have let her poison my mind like that? Was my love for you  
  
not strong enough? Did I fool you as well as myself?  
  
My Rei. My sweet, wonderful, indescribably fantastic Rei. The times we fought. We were ruthless.  
  
I was so pissed when I woke to find my hair turned green. I never thought a princess would  
  
stoop so low as to play tricks on a sleeping person. I got back at you. Was it with the worms or the  
  
salt? I don't remember. Maybe even both.  
  
I never sneaked into your bedroom though. I would never have admitted then, that I loved you,  
  
but I didn't want to take any chances. I didn't trust myself, didn't know what I would do, should I  
  
see you sleeping.  
  
I found out later, though. With your permission, of course.  
  
I miss you. Even when I was still under Beryl's spell, I missed you. I just didn't realize it.  
  
I ignored you in our battles, because I didn't want to find out the exact effect you had on me.  
  
But now I know. Now I remember. And now I can't reach you.  
  
I long for you. I miss you. I even find myself wishing for the days we argued to return, so that  
  
I can at least be with you.  
  
I was the first, the first who had to face the reincarnated Sailor Soldiers. My memory was  
  
incomplete. I didn't know who this Sailor Moon was, whom I had to fight, but I didn't like the fact  
  
she managed to foil my plans so often. And she even got help. First Mercury. And then you.  
  
I was blinded by my hatred towards life and everything. I had forgotten my love to you. Like I  
  
had so long ago.  
  
Nothing I can say will ever surmount to the kind of guilt I feel. And I will never expect you  
  
to forgive me. I can't even forgive myself, so how I can ask such a thing of you.  
  
I killed you. I know I did. There was no way you could have survived the injuries I inflicted  
  
upon you during our battle in the Silver Millennium. My heart is torn because of what I did to you.  
  
Nothing will ever be enough to set things right. The only thing I can do is remain dead and away from you.  
  
I hope you never have to go through such heartache again.  
  
I can see you. I follow you from the realm of the dead. We all do. Just recently Kunzite joined  
  
us. We are a miserable group indeed. Imagine. Four grown men moping about their loves. You'd laugh if you  
  
saw us.  
  
Still, in some twisted way I'm glad to be here. It means that you're strong, strong enough to  
  
defy Beryl's power and the Dark Kingdom. Strong enough to overcome your emotions, however suppressed  
  
or forgotten they are, in favor of the world.  
  
I hope you will always be as strong as I picture you. Stronger even. You'll need it when the  
  
final battle comes and you have to stand by your princess.  
  
I just wish I could stand by you. 


	6. Nephlite

AN And now Nephlite thoughts from the hereafter.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Makoto. My Mako. You are by far the strongest woman I know. And the thing is, everyone  
  
would agree with me, should I say that out loud. But it is not you physical strength that I  
  
admire, it is your resilience.  
  
Here, in the realm of the dead, I can see you. Not only now, waiting for the Dark Kingdom  
  
to attack and preparing for the final battle, but also in the past. I saw what you went through.  
  
You never had an easy life. It is a well known fact, well at least it was, that the Jovian  
  
were feared. Their dominating strength made them awesome warriors, yet lonesome people. But you...  
  
At first, I only saw you as a guardian of the princess. A tall, proud woman, capable of  
  
fending for herself. That's why I was so surprised to find you in the kitchens, wearing an apron  
  
and mixing something or other.  
  
I had always considered the kitchen to be my territory and I had planned on making something  
  
very Earthy, because the meals we were served on the Moon were far too light to my taste. And there  
  
this lanky brunette foiled my great plans. Maybe I overreacted. I was much more the guest than you  
  
were. Even though you were not Lunarian, you lived at the palace. I overstepped myself and I  
  
apologized  
  
It took me about an hour to realize I loved you. Normally I don't take decisions in such a  
  
short amount of time, but now it made perfect sense.  
  
You changed. I think the others noticed as well. You were inclined to laugh more often. I  
  
felt proud to be of help in your change. And then I betrayed you.  
  
I let that terrible woman dominate me. She made me turn her back on you, attack you, kill  
  
you. But that is no excuse. I should have been stronger, more confident in our love. But I'm weak  
  
and I know it.  
  
At least I got to see you for real in your new life, even if it was only for a moment. You  
  
looked so strong again. I'm sorry to have deceived you with the powers of that youma. Now I know  
  
it was wrong. But under the spell of Beryl right and wrong blur and become indistinguishable.  
  
I love you. More than my life. Though I guess those words don't mean much coming from a  
  
dead man.  
  
Our fight in the Silver Millennium was worse than all our sparring sessions combined. I'd  
  
never seen you fight like that. It made me realize just how much you always held back during our  
  
training. At the time it angered me. Now, I love you for it. You didn't want to hurt me, physically  
  
or mentally by proving to be my superior. But there was no need to. I knew you were stronger than  
  
me. I just never knew how much.  
  
I think in the end, that worked to your advantage. I didn't know what you could do, so you  
  
could surprise me. I was afraid, I truly was. Your powers kept rising while we fought. They seemed  
  
endless.  
  
I'm glad you found your fellow Senshi again, Mako. You need friends. You need your princess.  
  
Please look after her. She is the only one who can defeat Metallia. Aid her to the best of your  
  
abilities and take revenge for the wrongs done to you by the Negaverse. You deserve a happy life,  
  
not the one fate dealt you.  
  
I'm sorry I couldn't help you with that. 


	7. Zoicite

AN And here is Zoicite. I've been asked to write more and longer stories and believe me, I will. I'm  
  
working on them, with about three or four more ideas in my head. Let's make a little inventory, shall  
  
we? Eight long stories and two semi one-shots on my computer that I'm working on. And four more long  
  
stories spinning around my mind. One of which is about Ami and Zoi by the way. So, trust me when I say  
  
there's a lot more coming up. Oh, and for those of you old enough, I posted an R-rated story. BUT ONLY  
  
IF YOU'RE OLD ENOUGH, GET IT???!!! I don't want problems. And I'm actually quite strict in such matters.  
  
Unfortunately, it's not really under my control, once I post something.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It's impossible not to like you. Your kind nature, you innocent curiosity and your quick mind.  
  
I had never met anyone like you. You surpassed me at times. And I was so stubborn and... jealous I  
  
guess, that I didn't believe a word what you said unless you proved it to be true.  
  
I remember the sparkle in your eyes every time we came across something that was to then unknown  
  
to you. You soaked up knowledge like a sponge water. Our palace library held many discoveries for you,  
  
as did the Moon palace for me. We spent more time in there than anywhere else.  
  
I don't know how, but either we pulled each other out of the corner we had hidden in, or we  
  
simply joined each other in the same corner. Whatever we did, it made us fall in love.  
  
Never in my whole life had I felt so wonderful. Nothing could compare with being in your  
  
presence. I loved you with every fiber of my being. I still do, except that I'm not a being anymore,  
  
but an entity.  
  
I wish I could be with you, but more do I wish you happiness, and I don't think I can give you  
  
that anymore. If I ever could at all.  
  
You are a strong fighter, Ami. Not like Makoto. Different. Like every Sailor Soldier, you have  
  
your own strength, your own talent. It's what makes your group so unique, so perfectly attuned. I never  
  
had the chance to tell you this, but I'm proud of you, proud of what you have accomplished, what you  
  
have become. You are a strong independent woman and God knows I don't want you dependent on any man  
  
at all. I guess I'm too selfish for that. I wish you happiness, but not in the arms of another man. I  
  
wouldn't be able to bare that.  
  
I know I betrayed you, betrayed our love, but I hope your tears meant something, as I died in  
  
your arms. Believe me, I don't hold it against you for killing me. I wish I could have saved you that  
  
pain, but Beryl's power was too strong. And cruel fate decided to lift the curse right before the moment  
  
of impact.  
  
I deserved it. What you did was mild compared to the punishment due to me. But I'm glad I died  
  
knowing that you still loved me. I thought it was all over when I died then. But the Crystal couldn't  
  
bring us back together and couldn't leave me in peace. I again fell under Beryl's reign.  
  
I welcomed death. The moment Sailor Venus beam hit me, I remembered. I had sworn to myself that  
  
I would never hurt you again, and I had broken that promise. Once more I fought on the wrong side, and  
  
once more I hurt you, fought you.  
  
My sweet, sweet Ami. I wish I could hold you now. I wish all was like it had once been. So  
  
perfect were those days. I wish that perfection to return. I wish I could take away the pain I know  
  
you must be feeling now. Berating myself for all eternity, isn't enough for what I did to you.  
  
I love you. I love you so much. I imagine myself being with you again, pushing that one always  
  
stubborn strand of hair behind your ear, stroking you cheek. I envision the softness of you skin  
  
underneath my fingertips. I pretend to hear your heart beat. For me and for me alone. Such a petite  
  
lady enchanted me in a way I had never dreamed of.  
  
I am so sorry for letting someone else use me. I am so sorry for putting you through so much  
  
heartache. I love you, Ami. I can't say it often enough. Now that's it's too late.  
  
I love you. 


	8. Kunzite

AN This is truly the last update concerning this fic. And maybe I should have said this before,  
  
but this fic is manga based, which means the killing of the generals was done differently from  
  
what is seen in the anime. I understand if this caused confusion. If you don't know the happenings  
  
in the manga, you can search for a good translation. And if you can't find one, I can dig up that  
  
specific link from the bowles of my computer. I have it somewhere, I just don't know where. It's a  
  
very good translation, not just of what the characters say, it's written more like a story, which  
  
makes things real easy, cause I don't have the manga, you see.  
  
Anyway, enough talk from me. The last chapter of My Love: Kunzite  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Why? Why couldn't I remember? Why wasn't I stronger? It would have made thing so much  
  
easier for you.  
  
I never meant to hurt you, you know that. I'm glad you killed me - was it only last  
  
night? - because I wouldn't have been able to stand the sight of you dying again. I know I  
  
would have lost my mind then. I'm crazy enough as it is.  
  
You were my angel. I searched the one I served, in the royal gardens, but instead I came  
  
upon you. Granted, at the same time we found the objects we were looking for very much... occupied.  
  
With each other. I told you, you weren't keeping a proper eye on your princess. And you bit back.  
  
I had never been spoken to like that. As leader of the prince's guard I held at least as  
  
much esteem if not even as much power as him. In the palace at least. And you, a slip of a girl,  
  
not even reaching my shoulder, berated me like I was some kind of snot-nosed brat who had spilled  
  
his ice-cream all over your favorite dress. Worse, I even felt like one.  
  
Never in my life had I been so humiliated. Luckily, no-one but you were witness of that,  
  
as the only other two people in the area were, again, too engrossed in each other to notice anything.  
  
How they had managed to escape us for such a long period of time is a complete mystery to me.  
  
I had never met anyone like you. You were so full of life, so unlike me. I was solely  
  
focused on my duties to my prince. You actually managed to have fun while protecting your princess.  
  
And you taught me to do the same.  
  
You were so lucky I had time to prepare our 'first' meeting. You would have made a complete  
  
fool of yourself, I knew you enough for that. I must admit, I nearly ruined it. You shouldn't dress  
  
like that, when you want me to act impersonal.  
  
You were very brave last night, not too bright, but very brave. I know you remember all, that  
  
you always did. I know why you did it. When we fought in the Silver Millennium you were doubtful about  
  
your ability to kill me. I used your feelings against you, undermined you. I saw the pain in your eyes.  
  
I also underestimated you. I thought you had given up, but you still managed to kill me. Granted, you  
  
died first, but I could not survive the injuries. It was clever. You saved yourself the pain of having  
  
to watch me die, like the others had to.  
  
Instead you tormented me with the sight of your death. I was the appropriate punishment. Nothing  
  
could have been more effective than that. I just wish I had remembered, so you wouldn't have had to kill  
  
me again.  
  
I love you. You know I do, even though I didn't show it. I was cruel, ruthless. Even when I  
  
remembered our service to the prince and Beryl's spell, I didn't try to fight it. I thought it was  
  
too late. Because my love for you was still forgotten.  
  
It is now that I remember. And with all my heart, I love you. I just wish I could show you that,  
  
prove it. I long to be with you again. I miss you. I miss the way your eyes sparkle when you smile, the  
  
way your hair hangs down your back and every one of your peculiarities.  
  
I wish you all the good of the world, my love. And I hope you'll find someone more worthy of your  
  
affection, more than me. But will you do one thing for me? Something me and the other generals failed in.  
  
Look after our prince. 


End file.
